How to Feel Joy and Peace in a Season of Challenges.

I recently had an interesting conversation with my son about the difference between happiness and joy. We talked about how happiness tends to come from something external: a situation or thing that evokes positive feelings while it is happening, like sledding in the first snow of the season! Joy, on the other hand, is more of an internal state of being: one that can exist even without the stimulus that creates happiness, yet can set us up to truly experience happy moments when they are available.

Is it important to fill our lives with things that bring happiness? Absolutely. But if we rely solely on external sources of happiness, we are always searching for something outside ourselves to evoke that feeling. Joy, however, can be present even in the most mundane moments.

For me, joy has often been elusive. I struggle to feel it if something is “wrong” in my life, if someone I love is struggling, or when I see the suffering of others in the world. It feels wrong to me to enjoy the pleasures of an abundant life when others may not have their needs met. Who am I to enjoy a luxurious dinner, a beautiful home, and have my needs met when there is suffering around me? In essence, I have struggled to give myself permission to enjoy my life unless everything and everyone around me is “okay.”

But this is unattainable. Suffering has always existed and always will, as it is part of being human. I, too, have my own unseen struggles and challenges, despite my physical needs being met. If I wait for everything in my life or others' lives to be perfect before releasing my guilt and allowing myself joy, I will never experience it.

Researcher, vulnerability expert, and author, Dr. Brené Brown, describes joy as our most vulnerable emotion. I believe her. To feel joy, we must let go of pain, fear, shame, guilt, and the over-responsibility we carry for others.

We must feel at peace within ourselves.

For me, joy is a continual practice. It comes more easily when I am alone, living my life in isolation, and less easily when I am fully immersed in relationships with others, having marriage, family, and community responsibilities. I have to permit myself to feel joy, knowing it is an act of resilience and a counterbalance to hardship. Experiencing joy allows us to radiate light from within, permitting others to feel it too, even if only for a fleeting moment.

So how do we give ourselves permission to experience joy, in this season or any season of life? Like anything meaningful, it is a practice and takes time to cultivate. Here are the daily practices that help me align with peace and joy:

• Journaling: Getting what troubles me off my heart and mind.

• Gratitude: Writing at least three things I am deeply grateful for.

• Breathing: Taking time to breathe deeply, letting go, and centering myself to be present in my day.

When disruptive thoughts or feelings arise, I notice them and give them space while trusting in something larger than myself: God, the Universe, the Divine. If guilt appears, I remind myself of the ways I am positively contributing to others’ lives. I ask myself:

Am I volunteering my time, energy, and money to causes I believe help reduce the suffering of others? Yes.

Can I do more? Sure.

Is there always more to do? Yes.

Can I feel at peace knowing that even though I could do more, I am giving in ways that honor and respect my life and my family’s needs? Yes.

Finally, rest and restoration are essential. When we are exhausted, stressed, or overwhelmed, joy is harder to feel. We need to replenish our energy.

For example, this past Thanksgiving, I hosted a potluck. My contributions were ones I could make easily and in advance. I made a conscious choice to sit down on my couch with a glass of wine and enjoy a conversation with my father-in-law before the meal, and allowed others to be in the kitchen without me. I didn’t feel like I had to do everything or make everything perfect. This preserved my energy and allowed me to experience joy, rather than exhaustion, on the holiday. That is a tradition I’d like to continue!

In summary, joy is different from happiness. Happiness is fleeting and based on external stimulus, while joy is an internal way of being and can offer resilience. Finding joy requires conscious practice: journaling, gratitude, mindful breathing, giving of oneself thoughtfully, and taking time to rest are ways to cultivate it. By giving ourselves permission to feel joy, even amidst life’s challenges, we not only nurture our own well-being but also radiate hope and light to those around us.

May you find and nurture your light of peace and joy this holiday season!