The Power of the “V” Word! How the Courage of Vulnerability Opens the Door to Authentic Connections.
If there’s one word that many people struggle with, it’s vulnerability. One of my clients once jokingly called it “the V word” because, to her, being vulnerable felt taboo. Vulnerability equaled weakness. I think her sentiment’s true for a lot of us. What happens if we equate being open with being weak? Our natural response is to protect ourselves, to put on the shielding armor and the mask, be who we’ve learned we have to be to get by in this world. Be perfect. Don’t show weakness. At all costs, do not be vulnerable! Yet, it’s when we let down our self-protective responses we’ve learned and allow ourselves to drop into real presence and vulnerability that the most beautiful healing, connection, and growth happen. Every day, I have the absolute privilege of people being vulnerable with me in my work, in my home, and in my friendships. It is such an honor to hold a space where people feel it’s safe to be deeply and authentically themselves.
Some of the many ways we can be vulnerable are:
Sharing something you’ve never spoken aloud.
Admitting, “I don’t know,” or allowing yourself to say “yes” or “no” honestly.
Saying how you really feel or what you really think.
Taking responsibility and not blaming others.
Not altering yourself to make someone else comfortable.
Doing something new.
Being willing to fail.
Having the courage to succeed.
Truly connecting and sharing with another human being.
Leaning into connection with your loved ones, even if you are feeling hurt.
Risking judgment and rejection.
We crave authenticity. We want to connect more deeply than the masks we wear or the roles we play. I was reminded of this recently in my new role as the PTA president at my son’s school. I was asked to speak at a professional development day for teachers and staff, where I would introduce myself and the new members of the PTA, and encourage teacher and staff participation. Ah! Public Speaking!
Standing in front of a room full of educators could have been a moment to put on a polished look and pretend I had all the answers. But instead, I chose to lead with honesty. I showed up in my mom gear: summer capri leggings and athletic shirt, my hair pulled back in a ponytail. I shared personally why I was there and why I was choosing to show up in this capacity—how deeply grateful I am for this school and the role it has played in my son’s life. I talked about being new to this position and how we’ll need to support one another and have a reciprocal relationship to be successful in meeting everyone’s needs. I even sprinkled in some natural, non-shaming self-deprecating humor, which brought shared laughter. Through vulnerability, my hope is that I opened the door to real connection, which is a good way to begin any relationship.
That experience reminded me of another powerful lesson that came in the form of public speaking. I learned this one while auditioning for Walk the Talk, a TED-style event. I auditioned multiple times and was rejected just as many. The feedback wasn’t about what I was saying. It was about how I was saying it. I was trying too hard. I wasn’t comfortable in my own skin and I was so attached to being chosen that I lost my authentic presence.
Eventually, I let go. I decided to have fun and speak from the heart. I auditioned again and delivered a raw and vulnerable talk on mindfulness and emotions, shared a personal story, and even demoed how to have an emotional release right there in front of the judges. That was the talk that was chosen. I later delivered it in front of 300+ people, many of whom told me afterward that it was one of their favorite talks. Years later, I still have people who tell me they watched it on YouTube and how much it spoke to them. I even have people choose to work with me after watching that video. It literally can pay to be vulnerable! I have attached the video to the bottom of this blog for you to see it if you’d like!
Now, I continue to show up vulnerably in my relationships, in my work, and in my life. I am grateful I am learning this valuable lesson to stop hiding behind perfection and just let myself be seen. I am experiencing such fulfilling and rewarding relationships because of it, and I am developing this necessary skill of leading with courageous vulnerability. If you’ve been hiding parts of yourself, afraid of being seen or heard, you are not alone. Courage is not the absence of fear. It’s feeling the fear and showing up anyway, knowing you are good enough, just as you are.